Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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