Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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