No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
