Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
