At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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