Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
