i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Randomize
