At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
