I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
