dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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