I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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