hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
