i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
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I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
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A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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