The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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