Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
