Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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