Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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