so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Randomize
