This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
