You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
