Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
