I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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