I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
