umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
