I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
