a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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