my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
