I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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