if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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