My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
