Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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