I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
