he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm sobbing to NWA
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize