1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
