I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
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At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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