i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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