tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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