If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
