Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
