All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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