she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
