Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
