I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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