I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
