He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
