he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
