Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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