i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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