the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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