I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
