i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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