I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
