3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
