who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
