First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The air taste purple.
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