im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
