Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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