and next time when you feel me up, do it right
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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